Facing Downe But Looking Up

Queer. Asian. Educated. Early 20's.

Things are hard but I’m an optimist at heart. I’m facing downe but looking up.

All Day Every Day.
Filter Me: “So.  How is it like to be out?  Like completely out?  Basically, no shame?” —————— Response (in essence this is what I got…): “To be completely honest; the actual experience is different for everyone.  ’Coming Out Stories’ depend on the lifestyle of the person, what they’ve done, their current relationships, and what have you; and as we all know, hardly anyone lives the same life as another.  As for the feeling after the traumatic experience (or not traumatic) life is most definitely different; and I will say this for the majority of cases.  Since you’re asking me for my personal opinion, this is what happened to me.” “My parents were okay with me; fortunately for me, I can say that I was one of the lucky ones in that respect.  It’s still a sort of ‘pink elephant’ so to speak in our house; something big and obvious in the room that nobody seems to want to mention.  Still though, they were okay with it, they weren’t blistering mad or outrageously sad; most definitely disappointed though (especially since I’m the breadwinner of the family).” “I lost some friends; actually let me change that, I lost many friends.  Some I can even call my best friends.  Let me say this, friendships are defined by variably and no relationship tends to be the same between two people.  Let’s just say that ‘I wasn’t the person that they had grown up with.’  And honestly, I wasn’t.  As much as I want to say that I’m the same person as before, I’m not.  I’m not a coward anymore and I don’t take shame in my sexuality; so there is in fact a huge difference in who I was before.  If they fell in love with the coward, then there really isn’t much I can do about it.  I’ve gained many friendships though; enough to say that I know my sexuality is okay and not wrong in this world.” “For the friends that stayed, one of two things happened: They grew with me They grew away from me Meaning, they were okay with it and they stuck by me; however, it’s either they’re going along with my lifestyle or my new lifestyle is pushing them away and we’re not as close as we were before.  What can I say?  It’s a two part fault; but it doesn’t change the fact that we’re all ‘okay.’ “I know you’re scared; hell, I was too.  There’s a lot of changes going on and I’m completely part of it.  Life’s all about going through changes right?  How many adults have we seen lived the same life as their childhood dreams or college years?  Not so many.  It’s going to happen, I won’t lie; you’re going to experience change.” “Just let me know when you’re ready.” ————————- Thank You.Filter Me: “So.  How is it like to be out?  Like completely out?  Basically, no shame?” —————— Response (in essence this is what I got…): “To be completely honest; the actual experience is different for everyone.  ’Coming Out Stories’ depend on the lifestyle of the person, what they’ve done, their current relationships, and what have you; and as we all know, hardly anyone lives the same life as another.  As for the feeling after the traumatic experience (or not traumatic) life is most definitely different; and I will say this for the majority of cases.  Since you’re asking me for my personal opinion, this is what happened to me.” “My parents were okay with me; fortunately for me, I can say that I was one of the lucky ones in that respect.  It’s still a sort of ‘pink elephant’ so to speak in our house; something big and obvious in the room that nobody seems to want to mention.  Still though, they were okay with it, they weren’t blistering mad or outrageously sad; most definitely disappointed though (especially since I’m the breadwinner of the family).” “I lost some friends; actually let me change that, I lost many friends.  Some I can even call my best friends.  Let me say this, friendships are defined by variably and no relationship tends to be the same between two people.  Let’s just say that ‘I wasn’t the person that they had grown up with.’  And honestly, I wasn’t.  As much as I want to say that I’m the same person as before, I’m not.  I’m not a coward anymore and I don’t take shame in my sexuality; so there is in fact a huge difference in who I was before.  If they fell in love with the coward, then there really isn’t much I can do about it.  I’ve gained many friendships though; enough to say that I know my sexuality is okay and not wrong in this world.” “For the friends that stayed, one of two things happened: They grew with me They grew away from me Meaning, they were okay with it and they stuck by me; however, it’s either they’re going along with my lifestyle or my new lifestyle is pushing them away and we’re not as close as we were before.  What can I say?  It’s a two part fault; but it doesn’t change the fact that we’re all ‘okay.’ “I know you’re scared; hell, I was too.  There’s a lot of changes going on and I’m completely part of it.  Life’s all about going through changes right?  How many adults have we seen lived the same life as their childhood dreams or college years?  Not so many.  It’s going to happen, I won’t lie; you’re going to experience change.” “Just let me know when you’re ready.” ————————- Thank You.

Filter

Me: “So.  How is it like to be out?  Like completely out?  Basically, no shame?”

——————

Response (in essence this is what I got…):

“To be completely honest; the actual experience is different for everyone.  ’Coming Out Stories’ depend on the lifestyle of the person, what they’ve done, their current relationships, and what have you; and as we all know, hardly anyone lives the same life as another.  As for the feeling after the traumatic experience (or not traumatic) life is most definitely different; and I will say this for the majority of cases.  Since you’re asking me for my personal opinion, this is what happened to me.”

“My parents were okay with me; fortunately for me, I can say that I was one of the lucky ones in that respect.  It’s still a sort of ‘pink elephant’ so to speak in our house; something big and obvious in the room that nobody seems to want to mention.  Still though, they were okay with it, they weren’t blistering mad or outrageously sad; most definitely disappointed though (especially since I’m the breadwinner of the family).”

“I lost some friends; actually let me change that, I lost many friends.  Some I can even call my best friends.  Let me say this, friendships are defined by variably and no relationship tends to be the same between two people.  Let’s just say that ‘I wasn’t the person that they had grown up with.’  And honestly, I wasn’t.  As much as I want to say that I’m the same person as before, I’m not.  I’m not a coward anymore and I don’t take shame in my sexuality; so there is in fact a huge difference in who I was before.  If they fell in love with the coward, then there really isn’t much I can do about it.  I’ve gained many friendships though; enough to say that I know my sexuality is okay and not wrong in this world.”

“For the friends that stayed, one of two things happened:

  • They grew with me
  • They grew away from me

Meaning, they were okay with it and they stuck by me; however, it’s either they’re going along with my lifestyle or my new lifestyle is pushing them away and we’re not as close as we were before.  What can I say?  It’s a two part fault; but it doesn’t change the fact that we’re all ‘okay.’

“I know you’re scared; hell, I was too.  There’s a lot of changes going on and I’m completely part of it.  Life’s all about going through changes right?  How many adults have we seen lived the same life as their childhood dreams or college years?  Not so many.  It’s going to happen, I won’t lie; you’re going to experience change.”

“Just let me know when you’re ready.”

————————-

Thank You.